As anyone that knows me realizes, I love pictures. I dream about retiring from nursing to open my own professional photography studio. What fun to take pictures of families and kids all day long! (OK, this would have its own challenges, but I think it would be fun nonetheless!)
I think I love pictures so much because they capture the people we care about and capture a memory that we want to hold onto forever. My mom, who struggled with weight her whole life, as I have, always hated having her picture taken. When she died, I tried to gather as many pictures of her as I could find. There were not many! Somehow she always managed to avoid the picture, hid behind someone, or even went so far as to cut herself out of the picture. I regret this deeply. Having pictures of my mom is one way I can hold onto her and her memory. I think this is one reason I go a little over board with my family and friends. I want to hold everyone close to me and look back at all the memories and fun times we have had.
A picture is truly worth a thousand words. A beautiful picture can capture something that simply cannot be described in words. The look on Taya's face the first time she saw her baby sister or the girls excited faces as they get ready to perform for a dance show.
However, as I was looking back over my blog the other day and talking with my friend Tracy, I came to some realizations. First, pictures usually only capture the happy times. We don't often think to grab the camera and take a picture when one of the kids falls and is crying because they scraped their knee. Nobody takes a picture of people in the middle of a fight. I don't take a picture of myself dirty and grubby while I'm cleaning and doing the laundry. Pictures capture the happy times and the fun times, but life is not always happy and fun. Sometimes life is boring, sad, scary, frustrating, overwhelming and uncomfortable.
The second "major ephipheny" was that as much as I love blogging because I can look back and remember what we've been doing and all the fun times we've had, my blog really only scratches the surface of who I am and what I do on a day to day basis. Similar to a reality show, which is only a semi-accurate depiction of real life, my blog is as real as it can be most of the time. Simply put, I don't want to post all the real, private, scary stuff going on in my life on the internet for the whole world to read. Nobody wants to read about a day when all I did was laundry, dishes, baths, and watched TV. BORING!! But, those kind of days, and these kinds of things are just as important to the fabric of my life as all the fun and happy times.
So, look at my postings of what a great weekend we had last weekend. What I didn't mention was that...
It rained just enough during our BBQ to get Corey all wet while he was grilling. We had to move the food to the stove and our chair cushions on the deck got all wet, so it was miserable to entertain outside...
Corey and I got into a fight on his birthday that lasted for several hours... Partially ruined the day... Stupid...
Our time at our nephew's birthday party was awkward and uncomfortable because Corey and his sister are not speaking...
Corey scared me the day we took the girls to the Como Zoo because he was short of breath all day... One possible sign, should the shortness of breath continue or worsen, that his kidneys are doing worse.. He had to sit in the shade and rest most of the day while the girls went on rides....
I found out my dad has cancer...
This is my life. The good and the bad. There are no pictures to capture the bad times. Sometimes I don't want to remember the bad times, sometimes I do. But, the good times and the bad times and the boring times are important to me. They are my life and a part of who I am.
Nobody and nothing is perfect....
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